Whose voice is shaping your decisions?

One conversation led a king into disaster. The voices you listen to matter more than you think.

I was reading 2 Samuel, the part where King David decides to show kindness to Hanun, the new king of the Ammonites.

David wanted to honor Hanun because Hanun’s father had shown kindness to him before he died. So David did what anyone would do in that situation, he sent men to express his sympathy and condolences.

But instead of receiving David’s gesture with gratitude, Hanun completely misinterpreted it.

Scripture says that Hanun seized David’s servants, shaved off half of each man’s beard, cut off their garments at the buttocks, and sent them away in humiliation.

Can you imagine that kind of humiliation? Among everything else, if my husband came home with half of his beard shaved off, I’d be so upset. And that’s exactly what David was….upset.

In fact, after this incident, Scripture says that the Ammonites realized they had become “a stench in David’s nostrils.”

Knowing they had offended David, the Ammonites hired thousands of Aramean soldiers to strengthen their defenses. When David heard about it, he gathered his fighting men, and war followed.

Long story short, the Ammonites and Arameans were no match for David’s army. They were defeated. Some of the kings made peace with David and became subject to him, and the Arameans became afraid to help the Ammonites any longer.

So let’s recap.

Hanun’s response to David’s kindness led to his people becoming enemies, losing battles, retreating into their city, and ultimately losing the support of their allies.

But here’s the part that stood out to me most…all of this started because of the advice Hanun listened to.

When David’s servants arrived, Hanun’s nobles said to him, “Do you think David is honoring your father by sending men to express sympathy? Hasn’t David sent them to explore the city, spy it out, and overthrow it?”

Fear-based counsel almost always leads to destructive decisions.

It was immediately after listening to these voices that Hanun made the disastrous decision to humiliate David’s men and set this entire chain of events in motion.

As I read this passage, I couldn't stop thinking about how much trouble began with a single conversation. Hanun wasn't defeated because David arrived looking for a fight. He was defeated because he trusted the wrong voices. And that's what I'm trying to say, friend, we need to be careful whose counsel we allow to shape our decisions.

Yes, Scripture says that plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed (Proverbs 15:22). It also says that there is safety in an abundance of counsel (Proverbs 11:14). But that doesn’t mean we should accept every piece of advice we receive. We need wise counsel.

For instance, think about how often marital disagreements are taken to social media. Thousands of strangers who have no vested interest in the future of that marriage are quick to offer advice, “just leave him,” or vice versa. Compare that to seeking counsel from a mature, godly couple who share your values and genuinely want to see your relationship thrive. The quality of the counsel, and often the outcome, can be very different.

I’ve learned from my mom never to discuss matters related to my marriage or my children with just anyone, especially people who have no real interest in my family’s well-being. More often than not, you end up giving away information about your life to people who cannot actually help you with it. I’m not saying don’t seek help when help is necessary, but be careful where you seek it from.

Hanun could have avoided tremendous trouble if he had not acted on poor advice.

As Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

So how do we know whether the counsel we’re receiving is wise?

First, bring it before the Lord…ask Him about it.

“Lord, this person said this. What do You think?”

The Holy Spirit may challenge you, convict you, or stretch you. His guidance often requires faith, but it will never contradict God’s character and truth.

Second, consider the source.

Does this person have a genuine relationship with God? Do they practice what they preach? Is there evidence of fruit in their character, relationships, and daily life?

Fruit reveals what fluency can hide.

The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to have wise people around you, people you can learn from when it comes to marriage, raising children, business, and life in general.

We all need mentors, guidance, and wise counsel.

But friend, who you listen to is incredibly important because the counsel you receive can shape the course of your life.

I’ll leave you with this question: whose voice is shaping your decisions more than you realize right now? And have you asked God what He thinks about their advice?

With love,

Sandra